Do you ever feel like your world takes this strange turn?.. Not necessarily a turn for the best or a turn for the worst, but just a turn? I’m left feeling confused, to say the least. I’ve always had this certain quality (which I considered a strength) that I felt helped me to cope over the years. I forget… I don’t mean that I just push things to the side or let them roll, which is additionally a “strength” I possess, but it’s truly as if I suffer some convenient level of memory loss where bad, scary or traumatic experiences are concerned.
Recently I’ve begun to find myself remembering some of these events in shocking detail. The good and the bad come flooding in at unexpected moments, sometimes with such intensity that they take my breath away.
At first, I thought of this as a turn for the worst… Unpleasant at the very least. As time’s gone on, though, I’m starting to believe maybe it is a good thing. It’s uncomfortable and I’m sometimes left feeling like a not so great human as the result of the emotions that get riled up inside of me, but how can we “live and learn” if we simply forget and let it go. That teaches us nothing. That leaves us bound to repeat the same mistakes again.
I HATE the news, and I don’t hate much. I occasionally get it in my head that it is important that I follow current events and that I should have some clue what is going on with politics and that I might aught to read a paper, but I always come back to the same conclusion. I HATE the news!
As if to yet again prove this point to me, I turn on the news, bright and early, before I even have the first sip of coffee to calm my soul, and across the screen of the local (read: small town, nothing happens here) screen flashes the headline… DEAD BABY… I’m sorry, but has the general public truly become so desensitized that a phrase such as “Lifeless Infant” wouldn’t have done the trick?
I quit. I just don’t want to know. The weather app will give me all I really need.